How could you, Joss Whedon?

I just watched the Buffy episode called "Seeing Red". For those who don't remember, this is the one where Tara dies, and I'm really upset!

I remember being upset the first time around, but not as much. The first time through Buffy, I was more of an Oz fan. Willow and Oz seemed to belong together. It wasn't that I didn't like Tara, but I really liked Oz, and I wasn't sure how I felt about Willow choosing her when Oz came back. Obviously the relationship grew on me over time, but this time I saw more clearly how Tara was Willow's "one".

The worst part is that it's like no one ends up with who they should be with, in Buffy or Angel. Buffy herself should have been with Spike, in my opinion. Obvious pairing is Angel, but I felt that they both changed when Angel left, and Angel and Cordelia made a lot more sense. I almost thought Spike was better than Angel. Angel was cursed with a soul as a punishment. Spike went and got his back of his own accord, because he loved Buffy. Xander should have been with Anya, and she died. Willow should have ended up with Tara, not Kennedy. Faith...well I guess she was the one with the good ending. In Angel, Wesley and Fred didn't get a happy ending, and neither did anyone else.

Joss Whedon doesn't seem to like people ending up happy at all. Zoe and Wash (*cry*), Mal and Inara, Dr Horrible and Penny. I guess Kaylee and Simon got together, which is something. I'm worried for anyone who dares start up any kind of romance in Dollhouse.

Seriously though, it's still all great, but I'm still upset!

I watched two films today

The first was Blade Runner: The Final Cut. I'm sure I've seen it before, but so long ago that I didn't remember much at all. It's known as a sci fi classic and is near the top of most lists you'll find of best sci fi films. Most people seem to love it.

The second was The Bucket List. I don't know whether or not it did well at the box office or not, but I'm sure it'll not be remembered as some great classic in years to come. Certainly not in the way people still talk about Blade Runner.

Which did I enjoy more? Easily The Bucket List. Wonderful film. Blade Runner is kind of overated.

One year ago today

Today marks one year since Sonic died, age 15. I still really, really miss him. I'm so lucky to have little Knuckles and Tails though, and I have a lot of happy memories of all the old cats who aren't around anymore. I've been lucky to have had them all.

Sonic would hate the kittens though. Haha, he really would. He was the absolute centre of the universe. How dare any other cat take attention away from him?! And now he's in the soil, under the crying bear, and the baby cats are playing around him. It's nice, really.

How I'd like my life to be

I'd like it to be written by Joss Whedon, Ronald D. Moore, Rockne S. O'Bannon and Russell T. Davies. I'd like the soundtrack and score to be done mostly by Bear McCreary, with the odd big singy number done either Dr. Horrible style by Joss and Jed Whedon, or cheesy stuff by ABBA and whoever did the arrangements for Mamma Mia! Oh and maybe the odd Lion King style epic piece by Elton John and Tim Rice. I'd like heroes and villains, only I want the bad guys to eventually be people you end up liking, like Scorpius. I want to end up with the right person in the series finale, like Ross and Rachel, or Crichton and Aeryn.

Yeah that all sounds good. I'm alright though, whatever my previous post might have suggested. People aren't always bad. They're damn confusing, but often that's just me.

gogogreengoblin.

So who should I be pissed off at?

There are two people I was out with the other night, one I've only met recently and the other I've known for a few months and thought was a decent friend. Now I'm not sure which one of them I should be annoyed with over something. We'll call them Jack (guy I've known a while) and Jill (new person I've known a few weeks).

I won't deny that at times there has been a slight attraction to Jack. I dunno what it is, but he's been pretty good to me, and he's a funny guy. We'll only ever be friends and that really is all I want anyway, but I won't deny that there was a brief attraction. Not recently though. I see him more as a mate, and his personality really is not remotely compatible with mine. Also reminds me slightly of an ex with his constant talking about sex and innuendo and all that. It's too much sometimes. Also has a complete lack of ambition, which is really unattractive to me.

Aaanyway, that's where I'm coming from with Jack. There's a lot of banter between us and it's a laugh. The other night though, Jill told me that Jack had said that I wanted him, and would sleep with him, but he wouldn't with me. She backed this up by saying that when he first told her, she didn't know who I was, and he had to point me out a couple of days later. Now, I remember that happening. I didn't know why he was pointing me out but I know he did, and just shrugged it off.

This bothered me. Jack says that Jill is winding me up and he didn't say that, and was laughing at how gullible I am. I can't see why Jill would though since we're not really good friends yet. I couldn't work out if she was lying or not though. The thing is, it was a pretty harsh way of saying it. I want him but he wouldn't. If it came from him, it makes me look pretty pathetic, even if he only ever meant it as one of his usual sex related jokes. If it came from her, it's a really harsh thing to say to my face that Jack just wouldn't go there with me.

I don't want anything from Jack and my previous brief thing for him, which totally isn't there anymore, isn't really relevant...especially since I really really have not let on at all (I never, ever do with anyone I'm interested in). It's just that I think that whichever one has made this up is making me look stupid somehow. Making me look pathetic. Maybe it's just another stupid joke. I mean Jack is always saying he's irresistible and all that jokey stuff, and it's funny, but to say he wouldn't with me even though I wanted it seems harsh. Harsher if it's an out of the blue thing from Jill though.

I don't think I like Jill, and this time I don't think it's just a bad first impression. As it happens, I had a pretty good first impression of her, and a bad one of her friend. Her friend is awesome though and I'm glad I know her, but there's something about Jill. Jack...well now I know I'm 100% not interested at all. There's something quite unattractive about his personality that I didn't quite understand before. Whether or not this thing was from him or not, I see it now.

I wish I met nice people. Not people to date I mean, just people in general. Nice friends. That'd be a change.

Torchwood - Children of Earth

Torchwood series 1 was a bit hit and miss. To be honest, I never saw all of it, because what I did see and read about it made me think it was just about being a "darker and edgier" Dr Who, maybe crossed with something like The X Files. It was all stuff that couldn't go in Dr Who. Sex and swearing. Some bits of it did show a lot of promise though. The last couple of episodes were definitely worth watching.

Series 2 was such a massive improvement. Having James Marsters involved was great, and Owen's shock death mid season, only to be brought back as a zombie-ish living dead man was genius. This series is definitely a lot more emotional too. Adrift is a brilliant episode, and the finale was amazing. Very sad though. Tosh and Owen gone in one episode?!

Children of Earth. Well if series 2 was an improvement, series 3 was the giant improvement that makes Torchwood a truly fantastic sci fi series, able to contend with all the big American shows. Very dark overall, but that's what's good about Torchwood sometimes. They aren't afraid to go for the unhappy ending. There were a lot of good twists too. Jack has a daughter who looks around his age. Jack was involved the first time the 456 came. The 456 wanted kids to use as drugs. So much more.

I actually did cry at a few points. Ianto. Ianto is dead! That was horrible. Again, brave of them to kill off another main character. They really do fit the "Anyone Can Die" trope. I was also upset at Frobisher's actions. I really empathised with his character. He wasn't a bad guy. He was just doing what he thought he had to, and he was the government's fall guy. Of course the saddest moment was Jack having to sacrifice his own grandson. Would the Doctor have done the same?! That's what I kept thinking. Jack makes ruthless decisions for the greater good, but would the Doctor actually end someone's life to save the rest. Truly was heartbreaking to watch.

All in all, Children of Earth really was something special. Apparently a fourth series depended on ratings for this. No worries then, and I really can't wait for it.

So I had an adventure.

Travelling Europe and all that. Bruge, Ghent, Amsterdam (I love this place), Cologne, Rhine Valley, Rudesheim, Frankfurt, Strasbourg, Epernay, Paris. Photos to be found on Facebook, for those who are friends with me. I'll post the albums here when I've uploaded them all.

For some reason, I struggle to write about stuff like this, because it's like I've already relived it all thousands of times telling each of my parents, my brother, and several different people at work. In summary, it was all awesome, and I really want to go back to Amsterdam.

So I've been marathoning Bad Girls again...

...and now I'm definitely noticing a decline in quality. Don't get me wrong, series 6 (I've watched from episode 3 to the end today) was still great and still worth watching, but I think they got rid of too many favourites from series 5 and earlier before 6 started, and many of the newer people aren't so likeable. Yvonne, Denny, Babs, Buki and Karen all gone. All with good reason, but did it have to be all at once? The Julies are the only original inmates still left in it, since Denny went. Her exit seemed kind of sudden, and a little unrealistic. However talented someone turned out to be, if they had a record of escape, would you send them to an open prison? Denny must have got a lot of extra time from the whole escaping thing too. Babs had a good ending to her story, but it would have been nicer to actually see her release. Same with Buki. She started off annoying, but you grew to like her. Her release was spoken about, but then she was just gone between series.

Yvonne's death was a great story, but I think the series suffered without her. Phyl playing "top dog"? Didn't seem right. The drug pushing thing makes them not so likeable too. Of the other new people, I did like Kris and Selena and their story, but I always had it in the back of my mind that I knew they would never get a proper conclusion. I know they aren't seen or heard from again after the series 6 finale. Darlene is annoying. Not a bad character, but not someone you can really like. Buxton makes a good baddie character, but we all want more nice ones too, and not just the mouthy young ones. The series is missing people like Nikki, Yvonne, Babs, Monica etc.

I also never got to like Myers much as governer. Fair and all that, and someone against Fenner, but I liked Karen. She was like Helen with more balls. Myers wasn't as likeable.

So yeah, still good at series 6, but I think I'll always prefer those first 3 series. Maybe 4 too, since it was good that Yvonne had time when she really was top dog. The high character turnover isn't helping. I think one of the things I do love about Bad Girls though is the fact that nothing is forgotten. I like continuous stories in anything, and Bad Girls forgets no one. When Karen thought she had Fenner cornered in series 5, she said she was doing it for Rachel Hicks, Nikki Wade, Helen Stewart and Shell Dockley. All characters from previous series who had been and gone ages ago, with the exception of Shell who was slightly more recent. The prisoners always mention previous characters too. Flowers sent from Crystal and Josh, and calling Monica, and using Nikki's name as a cover, and constantly mentioning Zandra as someone they miss.

The other good thing is that I know I'm now up to a point where I haven't seen them all. I've seen a lot more, but definitely not all. I'm glad I thought to rewatch this series.

It's been a while since the last TV related post...

...and I've watched some pretty good stuff lately. Spoilers ahead.

Caprica

After my BSG marathon, I was definitely ready for Caprica, and I wasn't disappointed. Different, and yet unmistakeably set in the same world. Joseph Adama was well cast, and you can see the things in him that you respect in the Admiral. This idea of the cylons coming from Graystone's desire to have his daughter back is an interesting one, and I like where it's going. I'm not sure how far it can go though. I see a story, but not a long one, unless they decide to skip several years and get nearer to the first Cylon War. I'm sure it won't disappoint though.

Worth mentioning the obvious Bear McCreary score. It was nice to hear Wander My Friends during an Adama family moment, and the taiko drums during the centaurian scenes. He says it'll get closer to BSG style music as they get closer to the events of BSG. Sounds good to me!

One thing I don't understand is how this will appeal to non-BSG fans. They say it's less sci-fi, and so will appeal to more people. They say that you won't need to have watched BSG to follow it. Yeah maybe, but I can't see why people would be all that interested if they hadn't watched BSG.

Scrubs

It's felt like it was on it's way out for a while. Kind of like The Simpsons. You know it's still hilarious, but there's something screaming that it's time to call it a day. And wow, they really did call it a day. That final episode was amazing. The perfect ending. I won't mind if it carries on though, in a different way with new people and new things happening, but it was certainly the end of the story as it is now. I loved the final few scenes. The bits that may happen in the future.

Also, Glenn Matthews? Haha, brilliant. "Hey Tommy".

Dollhouse

I will cry if this is cancelled. Episode 11 was spoiled slightly by the fact that I thought it kind of obvious that Alan Tudyk would be Alpha. It was still exciting, but I thought it would be harder to guess. Maybe it's my own fault for reading too many internet spoilers and knowing Alpha would be revealed in that episode. Episode 12 though, that was something else. Dr Saunders has been an active all along?! Alpha was a killer (almost) before he was an active?! Ballard is going to work for the Dollhouse?! Ballard chose to save November over Echo?! Everything about this episode was exciting, and a great build up for future episodes. I really, really hope this gets another chance. I'm just not sure, because it's a strange series, and I reckon something of a cult thing.

Bad Girls

I know, this is a really random mention. I saw a Youtube clip several weeks ago now of an old episode, and suddenly I had a craving to watch them again, kind of like I did with At Home With the Braithwaites earlier in the year. Honestly, it's brilliant. It's brilliant because it feels real. Of course I don't know what it's like to be in prison, and I'm sure there isn't an evil screw in every one of them, but the characters are real. I honestly thing the Nikki/Helen story is one of the best love stories on tv, but even after they left, it continues to be an amazing series. I'm in season 5 now, and maybe it's waned a bit, but I'm enjoying watching it again.

Well

Not really even half as confused about that thing, since someone else I know is more certain about certain things, and that's made me more certain about the opposite things. Aaanyway. New dilemmas arise. Is applying for this job the right move? What about the people at work I like and would miss so much? Should I give that up, just to go back to living where everyone but the family has forgotten me, or try and make a go of things here? Who knows!


----------------
Now playing: Death Cab for Cutie - Transatlanticism
via FoxyTunes

there's too much confusionnnnn

I've not blogged for a while, for a few reasons. I think mostly because I'm lazy, but I'm also not in a great place right now. Why? The reasons are hard to explain, and I as usual I don't understand everything either. I think that the approaching birthday has something to do with it though. The last three birthdays have had me feeling pretty crap in the build up. My dad was confused about why, with this one. I'll be 23, but I've achieved a lot really. There has been visible progress since the last birthday. The degree, the job, the house, the adult life. They're just things though. I'm still as alone as I was this time last year. I'm still not jumping for joy at the prospect of reaching another day where I think about what I haven't achieved.

I just feel like I've gone backwards, since uni. My last birthday was good. I was happy on the day. Usual negativity during the build up, but then I went for lunch with some friends, and at the weekend my sister visited, and even though I still did some dissertation on the actual day I still had a good time. I was motivated to do well, and starting to get my life together and back on track. That's how I ended up with my good degree and my job. And now I have it all, and I'm getting worse again. I have no motivation. None at all. I'm behind on my portfolio work. I'm behind on other jobs I need to do. The house is a mess all the time. I dread work. I've lost contact with some more friends, and this time I know it's my fault rather than theirs like it usualy is. I've lost the internet as my escape. It's not that I'm really depressed right now, like I was at the start of the year, but I'm in a mess. I need to start being proactive again. It's just...finding a reason. Maybe I don't feel like I have one. At uni, I got my arse in gear because my placement made me realise that I wanted a job in the field. I don't feel like I'm aiming for something now, especially since I don't want to stay living here in this particular job.

There's been something else confusing me a bit, but I can't talk about that yet. The problem with this thing is that sometimes I just accept it for what it is, and it's no big issue, and then sometimes it causes a really deep confusion and questioning of a lot of things. I feel like things will become clear when something happens, but I don't think that will happen for a while.

Ugh. I just need to do things. Things that aren't tv, internet and work.

Upside Down

Some things really are just messed up. The mother of my cousin's son, pregnant by my brother's oldest friend. Pictures of the three of them together, her, him and the little guy, as though they were a family. She's a piece of work. He's just daft. I feel sorry for him. He'd be a good father to my cousin's lad, but it's not how it should be. Better him than some random I guess.

And what about my brother? I miss his ex. The one I spent years slating. I'd take her as a future sister in law over this new girl. He made a decision he'll regret forever today. I blame her.

Sometimes things just don't feel right. The way they happen, the things they cause. I wish there was a reset button for some days. I hope it all works out.

New Sci-fi?

I was looking up some stuff about Dollhouse today, and I came across an interesting article. "What show is your new Battlestar?" BSG is over, Atlantis is over, the new Star Trek film just won't be Star Trek...so I do need new sci-fi.

Stargate Universe sounds more interesting the more I hear about it. That article says that it'll be the "gritty" Stargate. More like BSG. It's funny that it keeps getting compared to Voyager, but in the sense that it'll be darker and more character based than SG1 and Atlantis, it could turn out to be the DS9 of the Stargate franchise. That will certainly be no bad thing. I'm still a little wary of the fact that they're aiming it at a younger audience, but Robert Carlyle is a great casting choice and I'm sure it won't make much difference. Oh, and it's also great to read that Richard Dean Anderson may appear in the mid season two parter!

Virtuality is another show mentioned in that article that really sounds interesting. Okay so Ronald D.Moore writing it does have something to do with my opinion there, but the idea is definitely good. People going mad on a ship, written by him, sounds like it will definitely be worth watching.

The other one I'm interested in is obviously Caprica. How it all began! Caprica should be interesting if nothing else. My only concern is that they say you won't have to have watched BSG to follow it.

Three new series to look forward to, and The Plan at the end of the year too!

Other television

Time for a post BSG post, mostly because I'm on my second day off sick and I've been catching up on things. Obvious spoilers ahead.

Heroes

My problem with Heroes is that it seems like they make it up as they go along. All my favourite shows seem like they knew where it was going from the start, even if they didn't. BSG, Farscape, DS9...the continuing story always made sense and flowed well. They hadn't decided that Ellen Tigh was the final cylon until they started writing season 4, but you can believe that they'd known since day 1. Heroes just seems so unstructured. Changing who does and doesn't have powers, changing the nature of people's powers, not being consistent with people's characters. I enjoy every episode, but the overall story is lacking something. It needs more focus, and to feel like it's really going somewhere. Also, they really need to give Peter and Hiro their proper powers back. I don't like that direction.

Desperate Housewives

In contrast, I love where this is going. Edie's death was a little predictable, since I knew she was leaving. I expected Dave to kill her though, and it almost would have been better if he had. As it is, we still get to have some kind of climax where everyone else finds out about Dave's past and the thing with Mike all comes out. It's a real shame that Edie's gone though. Definitely one of the best characters. All in all this series has been pretty good, and my only fault is that the American networks are being stupid, as usual. Episode, break, episode, longer break, episode. break. It's frustrating, and it can't be good for ratings.

Scrubs

While I do think that Scrubs has gone on for a couple of seasons too long, I'm still enjoying this season. It does seem a bit final, and I hope that ends up being the case. It would be too strange without Zach Braff. It's still funny, and maybe even as funny as it ever was, but it isn't quite the same. I think it's really noticable that there are episodes where not every character is there, and I don't like that.

Dollhouse

The more I watch it, the more it grows on me. Helo (as he will always be, screw Paul Ballard) is a great character, and Eliza Dushku does a great job being someone else every week. This week's big twist was that Helo's neighbour is a sleeper active. I did not see that coming, and it's kinda sad that he's getting involved with someone who isn't real. Great twist though. I really, really hope this series gets it's chance to have another season. It is definitely worth a watch.

Lost

One of the things I love about Lost, even though I can't stand it in Heroes, is that they change everything every season. Well, something happens to make things change. Everyone living in the 70s and working for Dharma was something I did not see coming in a million years. I really can't wait for it every week again, and it's been a while since I've been like that over Lost. Sayid shot young Ben Linus! But Daniel said they couldn't change the past? Maybe he was always meant to shoot him, and he survives? Interesting! One thing I'm not looking forward to is the Jack/Kate/Sawyer/Juliet love quadrangle. I was always for Sawyer and Kate over Jack and Kate, but I like Juliet and I wouldn't like to see Sawyer just go after Kate again.

There are definitely things I really want to know in this series. Where the hell is everyone else from the original plane? Rose and Bernard etc? What happened to Daniel Faraday? Why did Sun, Locke and Ben end up with the other plane people instead of with Jack, Kate, Hurley and Sayid? Confusing! But good confusing.

Primeval

This is something I've been convinced to watch rather than a new thing I download weekly. After episode one, I don't think I'm going to end up rushing with it. It's alright, just a bit daft, and the effects aren't great. Some people might say that it's no more daft in it's idea than all the other sci-fi I watch, but it just seems it to me. I don't think Britain is very good at sci-fi and fantasy, with the exception of Dr Who and Torchwood. There's something Torchwood like about Primeval, but it's clearly not as good. The young guy and the S Club 7 girl aren't great actors. The hunter/tracker guy is way too pretty for that. Ben Miller is playing a really annoying and predictable role. I might stick with it because I think the overall idea is good, and because it's something else to watch. It's not that great though.

Skins

I can't believe I forgot this! The series has been brilliant, it really has. It's impressive that they find groups of new actors who are this good. The finale was a little disappointing though. Great episode yes, but I sort of expected something involving the rest of the cast too. I guess they got their finale last week with the ball, but still, when you compare it to the season 1 finale, it just wasn't as...explosive. That served as the middle of the original cast story, and had story lines for Maxxi and Anwar, Sid and Cassie, Tony and Michelle, Tony and Sid, Tony and Effy, Chris and Angie, and didn't Jal get off with Posh Kenneth? It involved everyone and left some stories open for the second series. Tony getting hit by a lorry, for a start.

I'm not saying that the season 3 finale left nothing to think about. Are the guys really all friends again? Will Cook be alright with Freddie and Effy? Will that even work? Where are they going on the stolen boat? Like I said, really great episode, just expected a bit more, and expected more of the cast to be there.

Battlestar Galactica

No I haven't watched Daybreak again yet, but I read Bear McCreary's blog, and I just wanted to say again how amazing this series was. Maybe I'll watch it again later.

Proud

He did the right thing. I was worried that he was like someone else we both know, but he isn't. He's much more of a man, and he did what had to be done rather than drag it out. He took the tough choice instead of the easy one, and I'm proud of him.

Battlestar Galactica - Daybreak

Battlestar Galactica truly is one of the best things to ever be shown on a television. The final episode was just perfect. It's great that it was still able to be unpredictable and surprising right up to the end.

Starting off, we always knew that Adama, who always makes the right call, would go after Hera. Was never sure they'd get through it though! I also suspected that Boomer might do the right thing in the end, and she did. Wasn't sad when Athena killed her though. Some things were more shocking though. The moment when you realised that Baltar and Caprica Six could see each other's Head Cylon and Head Baltar. Angels! They really were. Nothing more sinister than that. Baltar was never evil and I knew that, but it was good to see him doing the right thing in the finale. He got it. The man of science who never believed in religion was the man with the faith at the end.

And Starbuck! She died after Maelstrom, on Earth. The Starbuck who came back was like an angel too. She wasn't really there. Well, she was, but...she was something different. All the mythology and spiritual stuff was great. The Opera House scene was just brilliant. That had been there since season one. Roslin, Athena, Caprica, Baltar and Hera, all playing out the parts from the vision that we'd seen for four years. I'm not into religion and would have been kind of disappointed if it'd all been about the Christian God, but it wasn't really. God, or a god, or the gods of Kobol, or some other divine force. Something bigger than us, and that was all that mattered. Perfect.

Of course the biggest twist was that our Earth and the Earth of their own mythology were not the same place. I was seriously confused when they landed in Africa, and there was grass and animals and primitive humanoids. They just chose to call it Earth because Earth was the dream! Our Earth was just named after the real Earth! And they were our anscestors! Perfect.

I didn't really cry because I didn't watch it alone, but I probably will next time. Roslin's death, and the Admiral leaving forever, and Starbuck's departure, and Sam going into the Sun with Galactica...all beautifully done. The happy bits too were worth a tear in places. Tigh and Ellen together again, Baltar going back to his roots with Caprica, Helo surviving, finding this new planet to start with. The flashbacks worked well to make it all that more emotional too.

I loved how it finally ended. In our time, the angel Caprica and angel Baltar with Ron D. Moore in the scene, discussing whether it will all happen again, to Jimi Hendrix's All Along the Watchtower. I really can't wait for both the DVD release, and after Bear McCreary's brilliant season as far as the music goes, the soundtrack too.

I'd also like to add that Ronald D. Moore is a complete legend. Battlestar Galactica + many of my favourite DS9 episdes...can't get much better than that.

Development

I want to post about last weekend in London at some point, because it was brilliant. I've been meaning to do that all week, but now I'm actually on here, I have something else on my mind. There are two people that I got all wrong. I automatically assume that guys who look and act like one of them just won't want to know me at all. Wrong. He's a good guy to hang out with. The other one I was worried I'd end up wanting too much from. He's still closer to my type than other guys in my life right now, but some things he's said lately have made me see that he could be the guy friend I've not had for a long time. I missed Simon after he left, and I guess that was similar. He said something to me that I've never felt was true coming from other "friends", and despite the fact that I'm now overanalysing myself again, it was really good to hear.

Ten to Ten

1. I'd been thinking about it for 2+ years, and putting off making the decision, because it wasn't an easy one to make. For all of the many reasons I had to make it though, the thing that finally did it was something you said. Not a good thing either. Who knows, I may still not have made the decision if you'd said something nice instead of your standard response.
   
   
2. I don't think I'll ever let go, but I sometimes wish you would. I'd like us to still be friends, but I don't like how you keep me hanging on and just text/missed call me every now and then so I still remember you exist. Real friends or nothing please.
3. You've made it so much more enjoyable. I'm actually confused about what to think of you though. Do I want to just me friends or do I want more? I shouldn't, because we're so incompatible. It'd never happen anyway, and it's not like I think about you all the time, but I reckon I'll be jealous when I meet your girlfriend. You are definitely someone I want as a friend, if nothing else.
4. I misjudged you as the typical guy who wasn't interested in being friends because you don't fancy me. I've met enough of those in my time, and I'm glad you actually turned out to be really cool. Hilariously disgusting, but cool.
5. Have more confidence. You know you can do it, so why do you act like you can't? I hope you work it out in time.
6. This time last year you were one of the most important people in my life. You probably shouldn't have been, but it still bothers me how it's changed.
   
7. I'm sure we could both use an extra friend, so I really don't see why you don't want that. We were friends once, but it seems to have gone.
   
8. You know, if it wasn't for a certain factor, I'd be inviting you to stay sometime soon. I've thought about you lot lately. Sign of loneliness?
   
9. I wish you weren't looking into leaving. Things won't be the same there without you. They'll fall apart.
   
10. Look at me now.
    

Catses

You know, I was actually worried that I wouldn't connect with my cats, after 15+ years with Sonic being my sidekick and best friend. How could any other pet replace my Sonic? Well they haven't, but not because I love them any less. They're so different. I cannot imagine being without them now though. Next weekend will be so strange, being away and not having them around all the time.

Saying that though, I still don't think I trust them upstairs at night. I did it for two nights, and there was much banging and being woken up with a cat in my face. They need to calm down a bit. My room is also a right mess at the moment, so there's so much trouble they could cause. Still, I love them, and I'll take a bit of annoyingness as a price for having two little kittens to come home to every day.

Television. Rules the Nation.

So what have I been watching lately?

Battlestar Galactica

What can I say? It continues to be brilliant. I'm even close to saying it's my favourite TV series...and I never just pick one for that title. This week's episode started off being like a character building thing, or at least more so than the recent action packed ones. And then the end. I almost knew it was going to turn out to be the Final Five song that Starbuck was playing, but it was still amazing. What the frak does that mean? What IS Starbuck? How does Hera know the theme? Who is controlling events? Is Roslin dead? Is Galactica going to be dead? Brilliant.

What's also brilliant is Bear McCreary's All Along the Watchtower. I love it.

Dollhouse

I'm seeing more potential with episode 2. Maybe Fox made them screw with the premiere so much that it wasn't what it should have been. The idea is still weird, but it's becoming more interesting with mention of Alpha. Echo remembered bits too, which is obviously going to be the major plot point. I hope they don't drag that element of the story on for too long though. Definite potential, but I don't think will be anything like as good as Firefly. I just hope it's given a chance and isn't cancelled.

Skins

It's fantastic. Despite my initial dislike of some of the new characters, I now love it. The characters are believable, and I like how the story is going. Effy is a fantastic character, and I'm glad she's taken the lead over from Tony. This is a series everyone should watch.

Well here's something new

I'm reasonably content. It's amazing how many of my problems are just about me overthinking things. Work isn't so bad. Living here isn't so bad. I love my two little baby cats and my dad and sister are visiting tomorrow. I'll be alright.

Go to work for me tomorrow?

Please?

Honestly I cannot be bothered with doing any work for my portfolio. I don't care enough to do it. I worked my ass off to get here and I can't be arsed with any more. No choice if I don't want to be stuck here forever though.

I don't think I'll stay in this town once the portfolio is done. The move was another new start that hasn't really worked out. I just brought my problems to a new place, creating a few new ones along the way. The only question is do I try for another new start in 2-3 years time when I move on, go home and try to make it work with what I used to have there, or try and hope for the best here rather than moving at all? Guess I don't have to decide for a good long while yet. I just don't see there being any room for positive change. I don't know anyone outside of work, and I don't see that changing. Oh well :P

The Internet

A few years ago now, most likely 2005 or 2006, I remember deciding what it would take for me to leave PBS. I don't remember exactly why, but I think it was probably due to others leaving dramatically around that time, and deleting accounts etc. I thought that the only thing that'd make me leave was if certain friends left, or if I was no longer friends with them. Over the years, things changed, and I did redefine that for myself a bit. Some of those people did leave, but I met new online friends. I decided that there would be no point to staying at PB if I had no good friends there, and if there was no AIM chat to go to, since going there has always been a good escape for me.

So now it's 2009, and it looks as though all the criteria have been met. All my non-PBS internet friends are gone. People like Mano and Sunil who I met in MSN chats and talked to for years, I just don't have any contact with at all. It must be over a year since I last got an email from Mano, and since I don't trust him all that much anymore, it's unlikely I'll bother to contact him again. I miss when things were less complicated.

As for the PBS friends, I just don't think there's anyone I'm that close to anymore. Back in 2005 (0r maybe 2006?), there was a time when I was really upset over a few things. Not one of my "down" phases, because this was related to something that happened rather than my general issues. At the time, a lot of my online friends, mostly from PBS, let me down pretty badly, I thought. Maybe it's not all that obvious when I'm upset, but still, people who I thought might be there for me just weren't. One had a real excuse, but some others spent more time asking me about how another person was doing than whether I was okay myself. There was one exception, and the fact that he a) noticed I wasn't doing well and b) talked to me about the reasons, meant a lot to me. Over the last few months, I've been in a pretty bad place, and unlike most of my depressive phases, I didn't manage to control/hide it online very well. Usually people wouldn't notice, but it wasn't really much of a secret that I wasn't coping well this time. Absolutely no one was there for me. One person asked me if I was okay on one day where I wasn't even that bad, but that wasn't one of the people I expected to care much. Those I did...they weren't much help. I won't say everyone has been terrible, since one person who I specifically asked for advice did come through for me. The rest of it still sucks though.

So yeah, I don't want to dwell on that, because I know you shouldn't expect people to be there for you everytime you aren't happy. It's just shown me how there really aren't people I'm that good friends with online anymore. PBS isn't the friendly place it has been in the past, and doesn't keep me entertained as much, and I no longer have the tie of moderating. The chat looks like it's finally over, which is sad after so many years. People have come and gone, but it's always kept going. Now, there doesn't seem much reason to go there anymore. With that gone too, my reasons for staying at PBS, and as a regular on the internet in general, are pretty much gone. The only reason I've still been here is because there isn't much else to do, which is also sad. It's pretty much this, DVDs or Wii, and I have to alternate a bit so I don't get bored.

I'm not sure what the purpose of this post is, because based on my last point, I don't think I'll suddenly just leave. It's likely that I'll just fade away from the internet though. I think I've already started that.

Back to TV and Film

I started this post sometime last week, before my previous one, but couldn't be bothered to finish till today. So here it is:

Battlestar Galactica

Several of my posts seem to have been about this show lately, but then it really is one of the greatest television shows ever created. It's just so unpredictable. We couldn't have guess about Adama getting shot by Boomer at the end of season one, the settling on New Caprica and 1 year jump at the end of two, the revelation of the final four, Earth being inhabited by Cylons and being a wasteland...and now Gaeta leading a coup with Zarek! That story really worked well. I still like Gaeta though. He was an idealist with values different to the admiral, and he thought he was doing the right thing. He knew when he'd gone too far, and clearly didn't want to kill anyone if he didn't have to. I was almost disappointed with how Zarek turned out. He didn't care who died. I always thought he was like Gaeta ended up. Someone who had strong beliefs and was prepared to fight for them. Interesting that he turned out to be the terrorist Adama always saw him as. Killing off both of them at the end of the episode was a great twist too, especially since at the beginning it looked more likely that Adama, Tigh and Roslin and co would die.

The previous bit was written last week. Since then I've seen the latest episode. Ellen Tigh is back! Cavil knew who the 5 were all along! All this has happened before and will happen again...and so many explanations. Brilliant episode and a brilliant TV series. Honestly, I don't think I've ever been more excited about new episodes of things, including Lost and Atlantis and all the other stuff I've watched first time around.

The X Files

I'm still really enjoying watching this. I've slowed down a bit after the last mytharc ones I watched though. I really like the monster of the week ones, but like with most series I watch, I prefer the main story usually. I can't be bothered to do a seperate paragraph for Fringe, but I recently watched another episode of that, and it just doesn't match up to The X Files. Since I've started on this again, I don't think I'll be watching any more Fringe. I really had forgotten how good early X Files was.

Skins

I started off not so keen on the new series. Decent new characters yes, but I didn't think I'd be that into it. I was wrong. I really like Thomas, the new guy. Cook is really unlikeable, but in a good way, and you can see there'll be comeupance somewhere along the line. Effy is by far the best character though. She's been fantastic through all 3 seasons, but you can see that she'll really be great now she's almost the main focus of it all. Yep, definitely gonna be worth watching.

Slumdog Millionaire

Switching over to films, I watched this last night. There's not much I can say, other than that it was brilliant. Sad, and hopeful at the same time. Dev Patel was really good in the main part, but so were the little Indian kids playing the younger versions. I hope this gets all the Oscars it deserves. Everyone should see this film. I cried at it, and that always means it's good.

Ellen Tigh!

I was right all along! The fifth Cylon is Ellen Tigh! I may have looked like I changed my mind and went Roslin, but she was my main character guess. Also, I was totally thrown by the new trailers and stuff. Ellen had been my theory since the four were announced though. I've always been baffled as to why none of the other blogs I've read considered her a possibility, but she's remained my favourite for a long time.

Anyway, the new series of Battlestar started out brilliantly. The Thirteenth Colony were Cylons, and Ellen Tigh is the fifth! Amazing. I can't wait to see what's going to happen next.

Stargate Atlantis

I need to get this post out of my system before the kitten excitement at the weekend, so here we go.

Stargate Atlantis has been one of my favourite TV series for a long time now, and I'm gutted that it's finally over. I'd even say more gutted than when SG1 finished, although more satisfied since Atlantis had a much better ending.

So, because I feel like it, I'll start from the beginning. Atlantis had a great pilot episode. The Wraith were a scary new enemy, but it had all the old familiar Stargate stuff too. O'Neill and Daniel, for a start, and then Weir and McKay who we'd seen in SG1 too. Also Robert Patrick, which was funny, since I knew I'd know if he was a main character. I knew he wasn't, so I knew he'd die. Good idea though, getting in a known actor to come and be killed off in the pilot.

Season 1 just continued to get better after that. The main Atlantis team was pretty good. Humorous airforce man, sarcastic scientist, interesting alien...and Ford. Ford was the weak link in that team. He was nothing. Just a guy with nothing about him. Anyway, the stories got better, peaking in the last few. The build up to the Wraith attack was great. One highlight was Groden dying. If you want a British character, cast a British actor, or a foreign actor who can do a FLAWLESS British accent. If you want to cast a Canadian who can't, have a Canadian character. Anyway, great finale.

Season 2 started off really well, and just got better. Ford was suddenly really interesting. Skinner from X Files was playing a guy you started off not liking but knew would end up on your side in the end...a familiar role for him maybe! Ronon was introduced to the cast, and unlike Ford, was the perfect fourth member of the team. Kind of like Teal'c, but just enough not like him to be a great character in his own right. Season 2 also saw Michael, one of the best bad guys in sci fi, introduced. Stupid Atlantis people...they sort of deserved everything they got from him. Interesting moral stories there. Low point of this series was Grace Under Pressure. Lame excuse to include Amanda Tapping, and nothing like as good as the SG1 episode called Grace.

Season 3 was where Atlantis really peaked. Great conclusion to the season 2 finale, replicators, Richard Dean Anderson, Michael, some great Rodney episodes, "Sunday" and an amazing finale. Picking on individual episodes, the mid season one was really good. In fact, all the replicator ones were. The Asurans being replicators was totally unexpected at the time. Vengence was a great Michael episode, and actually a bit freaky. Sunday...what can I say. One of the best episodes. This is just about the Atlantis lot getting on with their lives on a day off, and then something bad happening. And Carson dies :( I feel something is taken away from this by his clone returning, because everyone forgets that the clone isn't the same guy. I still love that episode though.

The Season 3 finale was probably the best, if you also count it's season 4 conclusion. The Replicator stories were great, and what happened to Weir was really unexpected. Season 4 itself I've talked about in more detail in other posts here. Basically, Carter was a disappointment, and the team weren't always a team anymore. Great series with some great episodes, particularly the mid season one and the last few. Midway was also a highlight...who didn't want to see Ronon vs Teal'c?! It could only have ended in a draw. That was one I really enjoyed though.

Season 5 had some of the same problems as series 4, in that the team weren't consistantly together, and the Atlantis leader wasn't always present. Still, Richard Woolsey was a great character to bring in. I've liked him since his first SG1 appearance. A good guy who's too concerned with the rules, but he comes to understand how things really work while he's on Atlantis. It's a shame Robert Picardo wasn't used more, although he definitely did a better job than Carter.

The fifth season, despite it's flaws, was still great. McKay and Keller was nice to see, for a start, and McKay had a great episode in The Shrine. The mid season episodes were fantastic. Daniel was put to good use rather than just being "hey look SG1 guest star", and the Asgard being the bad guys was a fantastic twist, and one I didn't see coming in a million years. That's surely something to be built upon in a film.

Anyway, I've mentioned many of the season 5 episodes in previous blog entries, but not the finale. Wow. I've complained before about SG1 never having the conclusive ending it needed. Atlantis did. In a single part 42 minute episode, it did everything it needed to do. Everyone important was involved in some small way, including Carter, Zelenka, Beckett, Major Davis (random, but good to see old characters), Caldwell, Ellis...and other secondary characters who needed inclusion in a finale. The idea of Wraith going to Earth was the perfect final story, and beating them by taking Atlantis to Earth was genius, and totally unexpected. I actually shed a tear when I thought Ronon was dead, but I didn't feel cheated out of an emotional story when he was brought back. I was glad Todd actually helped, since he's a great character. It was also great that they mentioned General Hammond's death, and the dedication of the new ship. To top it all off, it was cool that they landed pretty much near Starfleet Headquarters. Obviously irrelevant but hey, I'm a sci fi nerd. If I had one complaint? Wormhole drive...that all seemed a bit too random and convenient. Never mentioned before, but let's invent it anyway. Still, that's just Stargate isn't it. SG1 seasons 5, Full Circle, knocking on a wall of a giant room 3 times in random places, and hey! There's the Eye of Ra. Stargate doesn't have to be sensible.

So Atlantis ended extremely well. If the films never get made for whatever reason, I'll still be satisfied. Bring on Universe!

2008

So here it is. Or there it was. 2008 was a very strange year, with some of the best moments of my life, and some of the worst.

It starts off in Boston finishing my placement. Passed my registration portfolio, had a leaving do, and it was very sad to leave it behind when I'd got just about to the stage where I was one of them. I felt like I belonged there at the time, and then it was over. It wasn't a bad thing though. I finished in January feeling proud of what I'd achieved, and for the first time in ages I didn't feel guilty about taking a break from uni work. I had none to do and I was completely up to date, and it was nice. Anyway, I'm sure there's more on what I was actually up to in the archives of this blog.

Later that month I was back at university, living with the student nurses and a friend who's girlfriend didn't like him socialising with me. It wasn't always easy living there, and the uni work really took it's toll that semester too. There were some low times for me in those few months, but also some pretty good ones. Nights out with my friends, having friends I could talk about my placement and stuff with because they'd done the same, good marks at uni, and a feeling that I understood. There was a crazy amount of tension during the dissertation write up though. Coursework has never had me that stressed. Sometimes I honestly didn't think I'd do it. Handing it in was one of the biggest moments of relief in my life. It felt like there should have been a drumroll and then a fanfare when I handed it over. And that was that, I was free again. It was a huge moment.

Finishing uni was hard. I went to the ball, which was the last time I'd see some people, and it was sad. Really good, but sad. The next day Charlie picked me up and university was truly over. The fact that I got through it all, because it wasn't always as much fun as I've made out, was a major achievement for me. It's hard to describe how I felt at the end. Mixed emotions, definitely.

In the summer, I had the best holiday I've ever had. Me and Hannah had our Scotland adventure. Two weeks of exciting activities, driving right up to the top of mainland Britain. I saw a lot of amazing things. Dolphins, mountains, Loch Ness, puffins, daylight at midnight. Fantastic. Scotland is a beautiful place. I loved every minute of that holiday. Definitely one of the highlights of the year.

The other highlight was getting my degree results and graduation. Who would have guessed in a million years after my first two years that I could have pulled off a 2:1?! It really was amazing. It's rare for me to feel proud of myself, but I did when I saw that result. Graduation was really special. It was great to see my course friends again, some for the last time, and for what we'd achieved to be recognised.

The end of the year hasn't been so good though. I spent longer than I wanted to unemployed, but then found what I thought would be the perfect job. Things started well. I found a great house to rent, so much nicer than anything else in my price ranger. I got a housemate, which made it all a lot cheaper and meant I could afford to make it a bit nicer here. The job looked like it would be as perfect as I imagined at first. And then it wasn't. It's hard and not anything like perfect. I made a mistake taking it before attending more interviews, but I wasn't to know that at the time. Things are looking up now, but when 2008 finished, I hated it. I really do believe that I'll find it a lot easier and a lot more tolerable as this year goes on, but it was a definite negative.

A bit before that, on the 27th of August, something really upsetting had happened. I'd finally lost my Sonic. Fifteen years of always being there, and then not. Everything else that's happened to upset me, not having my cat there has made it so much worse. He was my source of comfort through so much. I miss him everyday. I have photos of him on my wall, and right now I'm looking at one of him taken in 1993, just over a month old. I was seven years old then. It's still hard to believe I don't have him anymore.

This has got jumbled up in the sequence of events, but in October my Nanna passed away. We all knew she'd had health problems, but it was still unexpected. To lose her was devastating, it truly was. She was a wonderful person and the best grandparent you could ask for. It was a very tough time for my family, and very hard for me to be away from them. I had a couple of days off just after, and a couple of days for the funeral, but being here on my own was awful. I miss her so much now. Just going round and filling her in on what I've been up to, and getting the gossip on other family members. As Ant said in his reading, a cup of tea and a natter.

Losing my Nanna and not having my cat for comfort, and being alone here, left me finishing the year in a bad place, and that's carried on into 2009. All of the problems I usually bury and cope alright with were at the front of my mind. Being alone, not being good with people, job worries, worrying about other people, some other issues that despite my growing openess I still can't tell people about. I've found everything hard since October/November. That's why I'll always remember 2008 as a strange year. Some brilliant things and some of the best moments of my life, accompanied by my worse depressive phase in a couple of years.

So what about 2009. 2008 saw me make progress in moving on from my past, letting go of some demons, and understanding my problems. 2009 so far has seen me take a step backwards really. For some reason though, I feel a bit better now. It's like things are looking up a bit somehow. Alcohol solves no problems at all and I don't recommend using it to forget what's wrong, but slightly tipsy conversations with my dad last night made me realise a few things. While my social situation isn't ideal and will continue to bother me, I have a better family than most people I know. I love them so much, and I know how much I mean to them too. It's not enough forever, but it is for now. Things have to, and will, get better. If 2008 saw me beginning to understand what my problems are, 2009 will be the year where I try and figure out what I can do about them.

Broken Resolutions

Well, not entirely, but I think the fact that I'm bothered by the lack of a text message reply is a bit of a step backwards. It's like this person waits until I've moved on and forgotten about them, then has to remind me, then act all distant and uncontactable again. They remember I exist for a brief moment then forget me all over again. I could be wrong. Could be that I'm the only one of their old friends they still contact and I should feel special or something. Still, I wish we could either be friends or just lose touch entirely. I'll never be the one to cut off though. Stupid me.

Christmas and New Year television

I do plan to write a more personal 2008 summary post, but to be honest I can't be bothered to overthink anything tonight, so here's some comments on things I've seen on the telebox over the last few weeks. Some are things shown for Christmas, and some are just things I happen to have been watching over this period.

Wallace and Gromit - A Matter of Loaf and Death

Starting with Christmas Day TV offerings then, Wallace and Gromit. This was brilliant, as you'd expect it to be. Good, light hearted family humour. I hope they get a few more in before Peter Sallis is too old to do it, because I don't think anyone else could take over. Gromit remains the best character though, simply because it's amazing how much emotion you get from someone without a mouth, just from eyebrow movements. This was the ratings winner on Christmas Day in the UK, and for good reason. By far the best thing shown.

Doctor Who Christmas special

This was enjoyable, as Doctor Who usually is. Still...it wasn't all that special. Good, but just like an episode. I guess I wanted a bit more from a Christmas special. None of them have quite lived up to The Christmas Invasion. David Morrissey was good though. He might have made a good Doctor if he hadn't been cast in that role. The whole thing seemed to just have the purpose of creating hype over the announcement of the new guy though.

Aaaand now we know. Matt Smith. As I've said on various forums I've commented on, I'm a bit doubtful on having someone so young. Okay so 26 isn't reeeally young, but he looks younger than me! He seems like a good actor though, and there's something a bit quirky and different about him, so he might still do a good job. I won't judge until I've seen him. I still maintain that David Hewlett would have been the best choice though. Oh well, now he has more time to practice a British accent. David Hewlett for 12th Doctor!

The Royle Family

More standard Christmas Day viewing. This was funny, but it wasn't the same as it used to be. With a couple of special exceptions, like Denise upstairs going into labour and Nanna in hospital, everything before had taken place downstairs in their house, in two rooms. This time they moved it to another house, got rid of Anthony, and it was just...different. It felt like they gave it a perfect end with the last episode, and this was just bringing it back for the sake of it. Good, but not the highlight of Christmas TV.

At Home With the Braithwaites

This hasn't been on TV, obviously, since ITV don't repeat things like this ever. I've watched it from the start again though. It really is one of the best British TV series I've seen. Series one is great, but it gets really funny at the end of that series and as it goes into series 2. I love how every series always ends in the family all bickering. The series 2 ending is one of my favourite episodes, with everyone getting back together (sort of) and everyone finding out about it. The actual final episode in series 4 I was less keen on. It was great, up until the point where only Alison gets all her story finished. Well, not totally resolved finished, and that's not how I'd want it, but I'd like to know something of everyone else's future. It's a shame they didn't do the Christmas special they intended after it finished. It's really worth watching, but sort of disappointing that it ends for good there.

Stargate Atlantis

I wanted to hate that Vegas episode. I thought the concept of an alternate reality episode was interesting, but a very bad move for a penultimate episode of an entire series. At that stage you want to see the real Atlantis people being a team and having Atlantis adventures, not an Earth based episode with the cast being different people. As it was, the episode was as good as I expected, if not better, in terms of story, and the connection to the real Atlantis reality was fantastic. This was all a build up to the finale next week. Brilliant move in the end, and I really enjoyed it. Hopefully the end will be something really special.

Battlestar Galactica

I am SO excited =D Face of the Enemy is really interesting. Who is doing the killing?! Could Gaeta be doing things for the Cylons? Maybe because he is a Cylon? Oh and apparently he swings both ways. It's really good stuff, and I can't wait for the final episodes.

The X Files

Not much to say because I only just borrowed the DVDs, but I've started season 1 from the beginning. I had originally planned to skip through and just watch the mytharc episodes, but I think I'll go for the whole thing. I've seen some of the first couple of series, a few more of the next couple, and most from season 5 onwards, but I still missed so much first time around. I think I'll probably enjoy watching all of it again. It's strange to think how old season 1 is now. Mulder and Scully look so young.


----------------
Now playing: Tenacious D - Tribute
via FoxyTunes